How’s it going, everyone.
So, the other day I was washing dishes at home and I saw the way my wife looked at me. It was THAT kind of look. I joked to her how I wasn’t “barking up her tree,” I was just washing dishes. She replied to me that it was too late. I had already barked up her tree. Haha.
So, that got me thinking about the five languages of love. If you’ve never heard of this, I implore you to find out what yours is. Dr. Gary Chapman, a #1 New York Times Best Seller wrote, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.” Now, disclaimer: I’ve never read this book. But you can take the quiz to find out your love language by clicking the link:
I felt like that quiz was pretty accurate since I already knew mine.
I am not a professional in this area at all, but lately, I have felt like I need to understand these a little better. In doing so, I’ve been able to improve my relationship with my wife, Courtney.
This Ramble will be about the five languages and what I think will help couples – with a little bit of my life thrown in.
Keynote: While most people have one primary one, everyone typically has two that stand out above the others.
- Quality Time
This one is pretty self-explanatory. I know, for parents, it might be hard to find quality time to spend with your loved one. If it wasn’t for my ability to call on family to watch my two toddler tornadoes, I wouldn’t be able to find easy quality time to spend with my wife. We have found success in having a weekly date night. Now, again, this might be hard for some. So the other way to combat this is just spending time with each other at home. Sit next to each other on the couch or cook together. As a matter of fact, Courtney and I cooked dinner with each other for our date night this week: chicken breast with onions, peppers, and pepper jack cheese. It was great to just goof off in the kitchen together while some good music played in the back round. If this is your special someone’s love language, it might take some work, but it will be worth it.
2. Receiving Gifts
This doesn’t mean you have to come off that wallet, guys. However, it may mean that you will have to get a little creative. Gifts don’t have to be expensive, but they do have to have some kind of meaning. Pay attention to things she finds interest in. I remember when Courtney and I were dating, she took interest in an antique-looking set of hairbrushes she saw at a thrift store. They weren’t real silver and not all that expensive, either. After we left, I snuck back to the store and bought them. I spent the next few weeks hand-making a box for them to fit in. At Christmas, a few weeks later, she loved the box more than the brushes because it was a gift from the heart and not from the shelf.
3. Acts of Service
This is 100% one of my wife’s love languages. As I said, I was washing dishes when this idea came to mind, and apparently, I had already done something right just by helping out. So, why don’t guys do it more often? Well, guys are wily creatures. Unfortunately, we expect immediate gratification when we do something. Now, I’m not talking sexual – although that’s never a bad option. Haha! I mean, show him you appreciate him doing that. And guys, you do the same if she/he has done something for you. To show the correct appreciation for your loved one, you’ll need to know their love language. Maybe they need some words of appreciation, or a moment of your arms around them to show what their doing has caught your attention. Whatever it be, knowing the right love language will make this easier.
4. Physical Touch
Again, I’m not strictly talking sexually. Most folks who have this as a love language don’t always need that. Some of us – myself included, just need to know their significant other is there. I like sitting on the couch and just have my feet propped up on Courtney. She spends time reading or watching TV rubbing my leg, or with her hand resting on me. I can settle with holding my hand as well, but any time she is just rubbing my arm or the back of my hand, I’m satisfied. That, to me, shows she cares more by putting in the slightest effort. If your significant other needs physical touch, talk to them and ask them what they need. Maybe she just needs you to grab her waist in the grocery store and walk with her. Maybe he just wants your hand on his shoulder. Whatever it may be, try to facilitate.
5. Words of Affirmation
I saved this one for last because it is my primary love language. And as someone who knows they have this as one, let me tell you it is a double-edged sword. I love hearing words from Courtney. I crave them, need them. I like hearing I have done something right or when she tells me reasons she loves me. So, why is it a double-edged sword? Because people with this love language might be a little needy. I know I am. I ask for a lot, and sometimes words are hard for people to say. If your partner is like me, send them a text while at work or while they are out to the store. Tell them what they do for you and how much you love them for it. Doesn’t have to be much but it will go a very long way.
As I said, I’m no expert in any of this. I’m a 27-year-old indie author that has been married for seven years. But being able to know more about what I needed, and about what Courtney needed, has helped us greatly. The biggest aspect of this, even if you know your love language, you have to communicate with your partner. Stay calm, and explain to them what you need. The idea behind love isn’t to come in already knowing everything there is to know. People are like snowflakes, we are all different. You’re going to grow and evolve with your partner, but you can only do that if both of you are willing to talk and tell each other what is needed. When you have this talk, it isn’t criticism, it’s building. It’s showing the other person you care about. Be open. Be honest. Grow.